Growing up, I was on the go, all the time...I thrived on having a schedule chock-a-block full of activities, I hated sitting still and I loved being busy, ALL THE TIME!!! However, living here, has forced me to slow down and forced me to sit still a little more than I would like! It has given me A LOT of time to think and think and think some more, and then after all of my thinking, I obviously analyze the shit out of everything I just thought about...sounds like the making of a great Dr. Seuss book, doesn't it?!?!:) However, After all the time I've spent "thinking" these past few months, I am slowly learning to accept and let go of the things/people that I cannot change or that are not good for me...I am finding more and more courage by the day to change the things that I can, while gaining the wisdom I need in order to know the difference between the two...and that alone makes me smile!
For the past two months, I have been on an emotion-filled roller coaster that has left me exhausted, overwhelmed, discouraged and a bit depleted...My job has stressed me out in more ways than I could have ever predicted and left me unable to sleep with the growing feeling of "burnout" on my mind:( Anyone that knows me, knows that teaching kids is my true passion in life, so when I started to question whether or not I could/wanted to do this anymore, an overwhelming sense of panic began to set in...I have always prided myself on being able to form genuine/lasting relationships with the families that I work with...I hope I am that teacher that they/their kids remember one day as someone who ultimately changed/touched their lives for the better! My current family, is absolutely no different; I love them to pieces and being able to work so closely with them, and give them the skills they need to help their son, is definitely rewarding in and of itself, but, as you can probably imagine it is also extremely challenging at times...especially when they ask for help and then don't want to listen or make excuses (I'm still working on changing this:))!!! FYI, teaching kids is hands down A LOT EASIER THAN TEACHING THEIR PARENTS!!!
I also started a whirlwind romance with a friend of a friend that started and ended faster than I could blink...it was amazing and then completely heartbreaking and gut-wrenching! I cried because I couldn't "fix it" but, more importantly, I cried because I was wrong about someone, and I hate that feeling more than anything in the world!!! After all my crying, analyzing and whinging about it ending (thank-you friends, and especially my MOM and Pins, for continually listening and picking me up emotionally...at all hours of the day:) I began to realize, that jumping straight into a relationship and trusting everything he said without question, was a first for me...I didn't run or pretend like I didn't care, I didn't play games, I was completely honest and vulnerable. Perhaps that is why I've cried so much now:( Writing this has proved to be cathartic, and even after all the tears, I can say confidently, that I am happy it happened! I don't hate him anymore, nor am I bitter:) I am proud of myself for at least trying and being open to the possibility instead of running for the hills; which is a first for me and definitely something worth smiling about!!!
With everything that the past few months have thrown at me, my inevitable face plant was completely unavoidable! I now have a choice to either learn from these experiences and embrace their lessons as much as possible, or continue riding the roller coaster to crazyville...I think it's time to make like a Moscovite and find new things to smile about:)
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| METRO |
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| View of Christ the Savior inside the walls of the Kremlin |
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Kremlin Tour
Kremlin Tour |
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| Kolomenskaya Park |
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Kolomenskaya Park
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| Kolomenskaya Park |
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| Aren't they sooo cute??? I wanted to bring them both home...tear tear!! |
"By choosing to do the things we love, we shift the balance of empty moments to complete ones. When we're focused on creating and enjoying fun--immersing ourselves in the various "whats" that get us excited--suddenly it seems less important to understand the one ultimate "why.""~Tiny Buddha
More of an adventure than you had thought, perhaps!? But, as you very well know, growth is most often accompanied by pain. Thanks for sharing your life -- triumphs and tribulations. It's wonderful that you are willing to share with us ... very touching. Blessings upon your sweet head.
ReplyDeletelove, Jo
Sammy, this is from my dear friend Susan in San Jose, CA
ReplyDelete"but do tell her to be herself, trusting and open, without the games - it doesn't mean there won't be more heartbreak but when it's the right person she'll appreciate that she let them know the real Sam. Let the guys play the games if they want to but don't buy into it.
Oh boy, am I being an old person!! You can tell her this if she wants a laugh and do tell her that I love her photographs."
Unhealthy relationships. – Choose your relationships wisely. Being alone will never cause as much loneliness as the wrong relationships. Be with people who know your worth. You don’t need lots of friends to be happy; just a few real ones who appreciate you for who you are. Oftentimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth.
ReplyDeleteI wish these were actually my words but a quote from someone else is always appreciated when one can't find quite the right words... Lots of love, Momma